it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
