I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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