we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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