My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
