I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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