If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
