Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
