She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
