So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
