I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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