Porn is love you can see.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
