i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
