Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
