Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
