the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
