I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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