how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
