How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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