Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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