you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
