she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
