I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
