She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
