You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
