'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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