Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
