PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
