We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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