dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They took my balls.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
