the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
