I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
