when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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