ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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