imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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