can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
