Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
