Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You were trust falling into bushes
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
