the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
