the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
