So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
