My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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