I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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