I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
