It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
