I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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