My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
