You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
