My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he thought i was a dude.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
