at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
