I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
