I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
